Broken
by PlumSauceXx
Summary: War leaves scars and being at the heart of the battle can leave you more broken than anyone else. This follows Harry and those around him as he and they learn to move past the wounds that were left after the fall of Voldemort. (May or may not end up being Epilogue Compliant. Pairings have yet to be decided.)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me.**

 **I apologize for any errors this may have as I do not have a Beta.**

He looked into the dingy bathroom mirror before him and barely recognized the man he saw there. His hair was even more unkempt than usual and could probably rival Snape's in greasiness, his eyes stood out in a vivid green against the dark circles that surrounded them, while he had lost his usual tan and looked even more sallow then a summer stay with the Dursley's. His eyes were bloodshot and he felt tears begin to try to form and he quickly grabbed the bottle of fire whiskey he had sat on the floor and took a large swig trying to drown out the painful feelings with the soothing numbness of liquor.

The whiskey burned down his throat but the pain still clenched his heart and out of frustration he punched the mirror in front of him causing it to form a large crack and a sharp pain to fill throughout his hand jarring all the way down his arm. He looked at the damage noticing a large gash in his knuckle and watched the crimson liquid drop down from the cut in slight fascination. The blood was a reminder, a reminder of all the horrors he encountered and the horrors he had to face as well as all the deaths that were directly and indirectly by his own hands.

He was dirty, that was the only word he could use to describe himself. He was nothing but a tool meant to lead to the death of one of the most powerful and evil men alive and now his task was done and what was left was a broken man. He could barely sleep and he could barely eat the hauntings of the war fighting within his own mind. Every night he was forced to witness every death and every torture that happened during Voldemort's rise to power. He could remember vividly Quirrel disintegrating as he touched him, the feeling of the sword of Gryffindor sliding through the head of the basilisk, Sirius's short bout of freedom from the prison for a crime he did not commit and his laughing face as he fell to his death through the veil, Cedric's body falling lifelessly as Voldemort demanded his death and the vision of the monster rising from the cauldron, Dumbledore falling from the Astronomy Tower, all the countless tortures he bore witness to as he was forced to watch through his eyes, the final battle and the countless lives that were taken; Remus, Tonks, Fred, Colin to name a few, Dobby dying in his arms, the death of Voldemort by his own hand and finally his very own death and resurrection.

The only reason he came back was because he needed to make sure that monster did not survive. He could not subject their world to that madman any longer and now the deed was done and with it his own sense of morality. Looking back through all the years he felt conflicted he could not place how much of him was actually him and how much of him was that corrupted fragment that was Tom Riddle that said man unknowingly forced into him as a baby. How much of his personality was really Harry and how much of what he knew was Tom. How many emotions and ties were truly his? All he knew was that he did not know where to go from here.

All his life he knew it would come down to him and Voldemort and now that was done and he did not expect to survive. He did not expect to find out that part of the monster was within him and he did not expect to face limbo and be given the chance to come back. All the people that sacrificed themselves did not get that chance and he felt that all those deaths were now his burden. All of them cut short and all of them incomplete with their time on this earth. Needless sacrifices for the ravings of a mad man and to protect their savior. All because said mad man wanted to believe in a prophecy that he did not know the extent of.

Harry was tired, lost and confused. He was glad he could free everyone but he did not think that of everyone he deserved to live. Everyone who had died had things worth living for they had lives and plans and dreams. He had a broken world since his parent's deaths. He grew up unloved and was thrust into a world where one minute he was revered and the next he was ostracized. He grew up knowing his only purpose was to end a war and did not have any plans after that fact. He was well and truly lost, broken and alone.

He jolted out of his thoughts at the sound of the bathroom door creaking open and turned and saw the old house elf that like this house was left to him by his late godfather, "Master forgive Kreacher but Kreacher wanted master to know that dinner is ready."

Harry grunted in response and turned to follow the old elf while quickly cleaning and healing his wound with a wave of his wand. The Elf was surprisingly loyal to him after the battle and refused to be released claiming that as the new Lord of the Ancient and Noble House of Black he would only serve Harry. Harry gave in and let the elf stay and found him to be of some assistance.

Thinking of lordships that was another thing entirely that was thrust upon him after the war. He now had the titles of Lord Black and Lord Potter and didn't know where to begin. The Goblins were not happy when he met with them in the bank and after several payments that barely put a dent in the massive vaults he was left with he was able to get back into their good graces.

He barely paid attention to the dingy house as he made his way down in the kitchen lost in his thoughts though he did freeze at the hallway that lead to the kitchens as well as the entrance and tried to push the memory of the Dumbledore Specter from his mind. Shaking his head he hurriedly caught up with Kreacher and sat down at the rough wooden table as the old elf levitated a bowl of stew over to him as well as a slice of bread. Harry stared down at the food moving the spoon around within the bowl not even moving it to his lips. The smell was making him slightly nauceous and he couldn't find the will within himself to eat.


	2. Chapter 2

Kreacher wrung his hands together as he watched his Master yet again not touch his food. As the only Elf of The Most Ancient and Noble House of Black it fell on him to take care of the members of the family and seeing the lord of the house unable to eat and slowly wasting away he knew it fell to him to find a way to fix it. He knew his Master will probably be angry at him for intervening but if he does not intervene soon there will no longer be a Master for him to serve.

He slowly made his way out of the room knowing that Harry would not notice as he was busy staring into the stew and focusing on the thoughts that seemed to plague his mind. Once he was out of the kitchen the old elf hobbled as fast as he could to the attic knowing it was far enough away from the kitchen in the basement that his Master wouldn't hear the crack of apparition.

With a quick pop the elf found himself standing within the cluttered but homey Weasely household. Molly turned around with a start, wand in hand when she heard the popping sound of someone appararating within her home. She sheathed her wand though at the sight of the elf and wiped her hands on the black dress of mourning that she wore and worriedly began to question the ancient elf, "Is everything ok? Is Harry injured? I tried to get him to come home with us but he chose to shut himself away in Grimmauld."

Kreacher held back the insults he wanted to throw at the plump matron of the Weasely Family and responded in a clipped tone, "Master is fine but not fine. Kreacher came to get Ginerva to help Master. He is not letting Kreacher help him so maybe Miss Weasley Can."

Molly quickly went to grab some items and yelled up the stairs in her rushing around the house, "Ginny Dear can you come downstairs, hurry please!"

A muffled, "Coming Mum," was heard before a beautiful woman was seen rushing down the stairs her long red strands of hair flying around her like a halo. "What is it Mum?"

Molly let out a sigh, "I'm not quite sure but Kreacher is here for you and I will be following you shortly."

The old elf began muttering unintelligibly under his breath before saying, "Missus Weasley, Kreacher is sorry but only Miss Weasley is required at this time."

He didn't wait for a response before quickly grabbing onto Ginny's hand and popping away with her giving a startled shout at the sudden teleportation. Once they appeared in the entryway of Grimmauld, Ginny let out a huff of exasperation before glaring down reproachfully at the elf. She then began to whisper not wanting to wake the mad woman's portrait, "What is the meaning of this Kreacher? A little warning would have been nice instead of just bloody popping me away!" She put her hands on her hips resembling slightly her own mother as she quietly berated the old elf.

Kreacher wrung his hands and looked up at the witch without a trace of remorse in his face, "Master is in bad way. Kreacher needed to bring you to help him because he will not listen to Kreacher and Miss Hermione and Mister Ronald are both out of the country and you are the next closest person to Master." The elf then grinned slightly sadistically, "Kreacher did warn Miss Ginerva though. Kreacher did tell you that you were the only one needed for the Lord of The Most Ancient Noble House of Black and Potter."

Ginny let out a sigh and threw her hands up in surrender before asking the elf, "Where is Harry currently?"

The elf paused for a minute feeling the wards of the house and searching out his bond that he held with the Black and Potter Lord, "Master is in the Library."

With a muttered thanks Ginny hurried her way to the Library to find out what exactly was going on since the old elf wouldn't give specifics. Once she made it to the room she held back a gasp at the sight she saw. Harry, even though he always had a slightly unkempt look about him it always appeared to be a more stylized unkempt, now though, he looked as though he was fading away. His hair was greasy and actually slightly flat though it was most likely from the weight of the grime, the circles beneath his eyes were so dark they looked as though he had gotten into a fist fight, he seemed slightly paler than normal and his complexion was pasty. He looked to be asleep on the chair and a bottle of Firewhiskey was loosely held in his hand as he hung half way off of the seat.

Ginny fought back the tears that wanted to fall at the sight of the man that she cared deeply for knowing that is not what he would need right now. She took a deep breath and steeled herself before making her way over to the man. She made it about halfway before his eyes opened and he lazily turned his head towards her showing her the bright emerald orbs that were bloodshot and slightly glazed.

At the sight of her Harry let out a small breath before forcing a smile that was more of a grimace, "Hey Gin," he muttered, "I wondered where Kreacher went to I guess though you being here answers that question. I'm fine though so you can go home."

Ginny glared at him before crossing her arms, "Harry, don't give me that I'm fine shite. I can tell by looking at you that you are bloody well anything but fine. Kreacher came to get me because he is worried about you, surprisingly; though by looking at you he has every reason to be."

Harry set the bottle on the ground and looked at the woman before him and the fire that was dancing in her eyes. He shivered slightly at the anger there and rubbed his head, "Listen Gin, I'm alright just dealing with well everything and honestly I don't want you or anyone to worry. After everything you are now free to be happy without fear and I don't want to ruin that."

Ginny took a deep breath and rolled her eyes upwards for a few minutes before letting the breath out and looking back at Harry, "Harold James Potter, listen here and listen well. Seeing you like this of course is going to worry me. I love you and I am worried about you because I care. You doing whatever it is to yourself, which I think I can guess what that is by the looks of it is not healthy and it is not right." She then moved over to the chair next to the one he sat at, "Now whatever is going on tell me so I can help. I'm not leaving until you let me help you and trust me I can be just as stubborn as you are."

He looked down at the ground as she sat across from him arms crossed and glaring at him before he looked back up at her, "Gin, I'm not good at this you know that. Having to learn to hold everything in its hard to actually say and I'm not sure talking is going to help."

She smiled sadly at him before leaning forward, "Harry, I know that but if I know what is wrong I can try to help you in any way I can, be it talking or not. Out of everyone in the wizarding and muggle world you are the one that deserves the most freedom and happiness. Not this self-punishment you are giving yourself. You have given so much and I just want to give you what I can back."

Harry let out a sigh before deciding that it couldn't hurt and Ginny being as close to him as she was and her being one of the only ones who might be able to understand certain parts he decided to try and say what he could. "Well," he rubbed the scar on his head, "after everything I guess I feel lost. Part of me wonders how much of me was me, and how much of me was him. Also, I died Gin, I literally died but I was given the chance to come back. So many people, who didn't deserve to die, died and none of them got the chance I got and it isn't fair. None of it is most of the deaths I feel as though I played a hand in it. If I found the horcruxes sooner or if I stopped so many people from putting themselves in harm's way by joining the battle maybe more will still be here with us."

Ginny smiled sadly she knew that this was most likely the heart of the problem. Harry was the type of person who would sacrifice himself for anyone and everyone and he did. She looked at him, "Harry, let me tell you this. Growing up, everything you have done, I can tell you that, that was all you and not Tom. Having him within me at one point as well even though it wasn't to the extent of what you had, I can say this, you are too good and too pure. All that you have done is not stuff he would have done and I can say that it was definitely you. Yes he was within you and yes he was part of you for so long but, what you have accomplished and everything you have done for those you love and the world as a whole not one bit of that was Voldemort."

She then leaned back still staring at him, "Now for everything that happened during the war. DO NOT, blame yourself for that. Yes people died, good people, evil people, innocent people and people who were guilty but that wasn't your fault. The people that died in battle chose to fight and chose to be there. They knew the risks at hand and still chose to help fight. That isn't your fault, and instead remember them for the sacrifice they gave to help rid the world of evil. The bystanders that died or the people that were sacrificed none of those deaths are on your hands they are on the monster that is no longer part of this world. Yes, you did kill but who you killed it was an abomination and parts of that abomination. It was not an innocent life and that does not make you a monster."

After she got done talking Harry broke down sobbing and Ginny quickly moved pulling him against her tightly feeling tears of her own prick her eyes. She knew he was a broken man but she planned to help him any way she could she would be strong where he was weak because she knew he had to be strong for so long and needed someone who could help him hold his puzzle pieces together. She vowed to herself that she would help him get better and help him become happy again.


End file.
